


Normal

by EtherBunny



Category: Nothing Much to Do
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2015-03-21
Packaged: 2018-03-17 07:47:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 3,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3521207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EtherBunny/pseuds/EtherBunny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And even more so when Pedro was kind and friendly and seemed to actually care about Balthazar and then Balthazar fell and he fell hard. He hasn’t felt normal in years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

                Balthazar sighs. He glances over at Pedro, who has been staring at the same spot in his textbook for the past several minutes. Pedro looks up and catches Balthazar’s eye.

                “Not getting much done either?” Pedro asks his friend.

                “Erm…not really. I’ve just been thinking…” Balthazar’s voice trails off. He can’t share what he’s been thinking. It’s too personal, the vague daydreams involving Pedro and hand-holding and _NO!_ He scolds himself. _That’s not allowed. He’s your friend. Only your friend._

                “Yeah, me too…”

                They lapse back into silence. They’ve spent a lot of their friendship in silence. They both appreciate the break from their noisy homes and even noisier best friends. Balthazar feels especially grateful for Pedro lately. He’s the one friend he doesn’t feel like he has to perform for. He’s not Balthazar, the musically-inclined friend; he’s just Balthazar.

                “Hey Balthy, can I, um, ask you something?” Pedro asks.

                “Erm, yeah, of course.”

                “Um, I don’t…” Pedro’s face is getting warm. “Okay…how did, um, you know you were gay?”

                Balthazar is surprised. They haven’t really ever discussed his sexual orientation. Everyone has known for years, but he’s not sure how. It’s not like it matters. He isn’t like Robbie whose sex life is his personality. Of course, it is the reason he and Pedro are friends. Anger at his many bullies over the years clouds his thoughts. But why now? He begins to panic. _Shit, can Pedro read minds?_

                “Erm,” Balthazar stutters. “I guess… it’s just that whenever you or Ben or whoever would talk about girls, I just…didn’t get it? And…” Now it is his face turning red. “I guess how you think about girls, only for me its guys.” _One guy. You. Shit, stop thinking about it._

                “Oh. Okay,” Pedro says, looking at his hands. “I guess that makes sense.” He returns to his history book. They lapse back into silence, but Balthazar notices he still hasn’t flipped the page.


	2. Chapter 2

                “Urs,” Balthazar’s voice is approaching whining territory. “He asked me how I knew I was gay! Why would he do that to me? Does he know? Did you tell him? Can he read minds? What am I going to do? He’s going to hate me! I’m –“

                “Will you please stop yammering?” Ursula cuts him off. “He’s probably just curious. It’s not going to be the end of the world. I’ve got to go. But I’ll text you later.”

                Balthazar hears the line go dead and throws his phone out of frustration. Or maybe fear. He’s confused and worried and maybe this means the end of their friendship.

                Their friendship has taken a lot of beatings lately. Balthazar sometimes thinks that maybe Pedro doesn’t deserve forgiveness. But then he sees Pedro beating himself up and Balthazar’s heart melts and his emotions or maybe his love or maybe it’s just lust takes over and he will do anything for Pedro. Pedro wants John to come home and Balthazar wants John to come home so Pedro will be happy again.

                A small glimmer of hope floats in Balthazar’s chest. Maybe a happy Pedro will be more receptive to Balthazar’s vague daydreams about hand-holding and other things that Balthazar is too embarrassed to even think about properly. He sighs. _Unrequited love is the worst_. His phone starts buzzing, causing him to abandon his pity party.

                From Ursula: Hey I’m having a picnic Sunday. You in?

                To Ursula: Of course

                From Ursula: Great! hopefully things will get back to normal

                He sits down at his keyboard, more out of habit than any desire to play. He’d all but abandoned the instrument since Pedro’s rejection of his song. Without even realizing it, he starts to play. _This is an ode to Pedro_ he begins to sing under his breath. _Normal?_ He hasn’t felt normal since he was fourteen when he and Pedro and that dick Harry were assigned to the same group project. Not since Harry’s homophobic comments ( _how did he know I was gay? I didn’t even know yet!_ ) and especially not since Pedro punched him. And even more so when Pedro was kind and friendly and seemed to actually care about Balthazar and then Balthazar fell and he fell hard. He hasn’t felt normal in years.


	3. Chapter 3

                From Pedro: Hey want a ride to the picnic

                To Pedro: Im going with Urs

                From Pedro: Please I need back up

                From Pedro: Im scared of bea

                From Pedro: Please

                From Pedro: Your my only friend rn

                Balthazar is scared too. He’s scared that he forgave Pedro too easily. He’s scared that the others are being too stubborn. He’s scared that things won’t ever return to normal.

                To Pedro: Yeah okay

                From Pedro: YAY

                He’s also terrified of his feelings. He’s terrified of rejection. But he’s also terrified of the small hope he’s carried with him for years that maybe, just maybe, Pedro feels the same way.


	4. Chapter 4

                “John!” Pedro shouts. He runs toward his brother and they hug. Balthazar lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He feels lighter and suddenly realizes he is grinning like an idiot.

                They return to the circle and Balthazar, still grinning, hands John a cookie. _Maybe things really will go back to normal._

                _Or maybe not_ , he thinks as he can feel Pedro’s hand on his leg. Pedro’s voice is suddenly very loud in his ear. “Thanks so much for dragging me out today, Balthy!” Pedro’s face is uncomfortably close and all Balthazar can think about it how easy it would be to kiss him right now and his breath starts to catch in his throat but just as suddenly, Pedro is pulling away, smiling, laughing, happy.

                “Hey, I think John and I are going to head home now.” Pedro says.

                “Yeah, of course. I’ll just head home with Ursula…Is that okay, Urs?”

                Pedro reaches in for a hug and in that brief moment, Balthazar is sure everything will turn out okay. But as soon as he lets go, Balthazar isn’t so sure anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

                “Balth, he literally could not keep his hands off you!” Ursula says, as they drive out of the park.

                “I know, but…” Balthazar does not quite share her excitement.

                “But what? Obviously something is there! You just have to get him to realize it!”

                “I think…Erm I just think he might have been, well, showing off because…I mean, you saw Bea and Ben! And I just don’t – “

                Ursula interrupts, “You’re scared. I’m right, end of story.”

                “Fine.” Balthazar says just to end the conversation. He thinks Ursula is wrong about Pedro, but she is right about one thing – Balthazar is scared shitless.


	6. Chapter 6

               Balthazar rolls over and pulls the covers over his head. It’s especially quiet and dark tonight, which is making it harder to him to turn off his thoughts. If only he didn’t have so many emotions lately. His phone is blinking, and Balthazar sighs as he checks it. He just wants to sleep.

               From Pedro: i thlks om in loice worh u

                To Pedro: Are you drunk?

                From Pedro: verryyyyyy!!!!

                To Pedro: Ok Im trying to sleep. Ill talk to you later.

                Now he’s actually awake, and his mind is even further from sleep. He rolls over to the other side and stares at the clock, trying to keep his thoughts anywhere but Pedro. His phone is blinking again. Damn it, why can’t people just leave me alone?

                “Hello?” He whispers, trying not to wake his family.

                “Balthyyyy!!!” Pedro responds exuberantly. “Oh no, you were sleeping.” He is slurring his words and his voice seems abnormally loud to Balthazar.

                “No, it’s fine. Is everything okay?”

                “I’m at this party! And I’m drunk! But I need to go home and I’m drunk!”

                “Okay…” Balthazar sighs. He shouldn’t do it, but he already knows that it was too late for him to ever say no to Pedro. “Do you need me to come pick you up?”

                “Balthy, you are the best! I’m at Tony’s house! I just need to find my shoe!” Balthazar hears several voices and raucous laughter before the phone clicks off.

                _Ugh,_ he says to himself. _Why am I so helpless?_


	7. Chapter 7

                He dials Pedro’s number as he squints in the dark at the different houses, looking for a Pedro-shaped person. “Hey, mate, I’m here.”

                “I don’t see you.”

                “Come outside.”

                “You come inside.” Pedro giggles at himself.

                “Pedro. I am standing outside my car. Please hurry. My mom doesn’t know I am out.” Balthazar is probably more annoyed at himself than he is at Pedro. _I should have just ignored him._

                “Okay, mate. I’m coming, I’m coming.” He’s still giggling. Balthazar finally sees Pedro stumbling toward his car. He reeks of beer and he’s missing his right shoe.

                “You look a mess.” Balthazar says as he unlocks the door for Pedro.

                “Thanks, mate. I owe you one.” Pedro suddenly looks very serious.

                “Yeah, well let’s get you home before you lose your other shoe.”

                “Balthy, I have something I need to tell you.”

                Balthazar rolls his eyes. Pedro is infamous for his drunken declarations. “Yeah?”

                “It’s serious.”

                “Okay, what’s up?”

                “You aren’t taking me seriously.”

                “I’m sorry, it’s hard to when you only have one shoe and mysterious stains all down your front.”

                “Fine. I won’t tell you then.”

                “We’re at your house, so it doesn’t matter anyway.”

                Pedro begins struggling with unlocking the door. “Why is this so hard? Balthy, I need your help.”

                Balthazar rolls his eyes again. Another typical drunk Pedro move. He walks around the car and helps his friend get out. They are standing so close together that Balthazar can taste the beer. “Balth…” Pedro is nearly moaning. “I need to tell you…” He trips and falls into Balthazar, kissing him hard.

                “What the fuck, man?” Balthazar shouts and pushes Pedro off. Suddenly all his emotions and his exhaustion are spilling over and the tears are falling, fast and thick. He turns away to avoid embarrassment, and slams the car door. Sitting in the car, he takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He drives home without a backward glance.


	8. Chapter 8

                It’s unusual for Balthazar to sleep this late, but he’s absolutely exhausted, having spent most of the night crying into his pillow to muffle the sobs. Until last night he would have given anything for Pedro to kiss him. But not like that. Not drunk, not after a party. He wanted a sober Pedro. He wanted a Pedro who wasn’t _experimenting_ or whatever that was.

                He finally opens his eyes and glances at his phone. Six missed calls. Ten text messages.

                From Pedro: I am so sorry

                From Pedro: Call me!!!

                From Pedro: I am sorry

                From Pedro: I was really drunk I didnt know what I was doing

                From Pedro: Can I see you today?

                From Pedro: BALTH CALL ME

                From Pedro: I am so sorry. Please call me.

                From Pedro: You cant ignore me forever

                From Pedro: I hate myself for this

                From Ursula: Pedro just told me what happened. Please call when you get a chance. <3

                Balthazar is annoyed. _Wanna bet, Pedro? I_ can _ignore you forever._ He considers calling Ursula but decides he’d rather be by himself. He pulls the covers back over his head and lets his tears drip onto the pillow.

                He wants to stay in his room for the rest of his life, but he can’t because everywhere he looks he sees evidence of Pedro. His keyboard, where he wrote that stupid song. Pedro’s history textbook, still on his desk. That picture that Ursula insisted on giving each of them at the end of last year. His journals, with too many pages filled with Pedro’s name. He gives up on his vow of solitude and calls Ursula.

                “Hi.” She says as she answers her phone, her voice too gentle.

                “I…I don’t…” Balthazar’s voice is thick with more tears. “I don’t…think I can I still be his friend.”

                “Oh Balth. I am so sorry.”

                “Thanks,” he mumbles.

                “Why don’t you try talk – “

                “No!” He nearly shouts. “I am never speaking to him again.” He hangs up the phone and throws it across the room. It only makes him feel worse.


	9. Chapter 9

                “Balthazar?” His mother is knocking on the door. “Are you sure you are alright? You’ve barely left your room in several days.”

                “Yeah mum. Just leave me alone.”

                “Pedro’s here.” Those two words make his heart constrict. A small traitorous part of his heart will always want to see Pedro. But the other part hopes he never does again.

                “No. Tell him I’m sleeping. Or I’m dying.” _That seemed to work so great for Hero._

                “He said it was important. I think you should let him in.”

                “No.”

                Balthazar hears some mumbling and then what sounds like his mother retreating down the stairs. He curls back up on his bed wondering if he is ever going to feel normal again. With his face buried in his pillow, he does not notice Pedro opening his door.

                “Balth? We really need to talk.” His voice is quiet and unsure. Balthazar turns to look at him. Pedro’s hair is meticulously curled. He’s wearing Balthazar’s favorite shirt. It’s obvious that he put in a lot of effort, but what really gets to Balthazar is the pain he feels is clearly reflected in Pedro’s eyes. “Look, mate, I know you are mad at me. I’m mad at me. But I just really need to apologize.”

                Balthazar opens his mouth to speak, but no words are coming out. The traitorous part of his heart might not be as small as he thought.

                “I know what I did was awful,” Pedro continues. “Especially in light of recent events. And I’ve just been so…confused lately. And then you were there and you’ve always been there and I was drunk, and I’m not trying to make excuses, I am just saying, and I don’t really know what’s going on in my head and…” He trails off, looking at his hands instead of the raw emotion on Balthazar’s face.

                “In light of recent events?” Balthazar manages to ask. “Do you mean Hero and Claudio or is there something else?”

                “Oh, erm, well…both,” Pedro stutters. “I guess you haven’t seen Ben’s latest video.”

                “No. I stopped watching those…so many birds.” Balthazar attempts a joke even though he is feeling anything but lighthearted.

                “Um…They might have mentioned that you had a crush on me?” Pedro says this really fast as his face is turning bright red. “And so I just wanted to say I’m sorry because I didn’t know.”

                “Yeah, no it’s fine.” Balthazar can feel more tears coming. “I mean I knew you were straight and so it’s not like I expected anything, it just…hurts,” he finishes lamely. Whatever part of him that still had hope is fully extinguished at the anguished look on Pedro’s face.

                Pedro’s face is now even redder than before. His hands are apparently the most fascinating things he has ever seen. “Erm…I don’t…okay...” He takes a few deep breaths, steeling his nerves. “I don’t think I am straight.”

                Balthazar tries to do anything but stare at Pedro, his heart quickly filling with hope and his stomach with butterflies. “You aren’t straight?” He tries to keep this question as casual as possible.

                “No, I think I might be bisexual.” Pedro mumbles in response.

                Balthazar is quiet, contemplating. This is what he had always wanted, wasn’t it? But not like this. Not Pedro ashamed of who he is. Not as part of this weird apology.

                “Hm, okay.” He isn’t quite sure what to say. He wants so badly to forgive Pedro for kissing him and for not telling him until now and for being a terrible friend lately. He’s not sure if he can yet though.

                “I guess I just needed to put that out there. But I’m not…ready for anything.” Pedro starts to leave. “You’re too good for me Balthy.” He closes the door behind him, leaving Balthazar to his confusing thoughts and feelings.


	10. Chapter 10

                “Hey Balthazar?” Pedro is back in his usual spot, studying for history again. “I just wanted to say thanks.”

                “For what?”

                “Still wanting to be my friend, even though I am the worst.”

                Balthazar laughs. “I don’t think you are the worst.

                Balthazar steals a glance at Pedro, who is chewing his lip in concentration. He can tell that Pedro is still beating himself up because of Hero and John and Balthazar. But there is a new intensity to the way he moves around Balthazar and the way his whole face lights up when he catches Balthazar looking at him. Balthazar smiles. He’s happy Pedro is here.

                “What are you so happy about?” Pedro asks, finally looking up from his book.

                “Nothing in particular,” Balthazar lies. _I like this new normal._

                On the surface, it looks like nothing has changed between Pedro and Balthazar and maybe nothing has. But to Balthazar, it seems like everything has changed. He knows he can hope for more. But right now, he’s content with the way things are.


	11. Chapter 11

              "Okay!...Balthazar. Do you want to go outside with me?” Pedro asks. Balthazar is relieved. He knows that Ben and John probably just mean well, but he is getting tired of the Love Gods nonsense.

                They walk out to the yard together in silence. “I’m sorry about that. It’s just. Well, you know how Ben is.” Pedro rolls his eyes. “And John, now, too.”

                Balthazar is pretty sure he knows where this is going, but he definitely doesn’t want to help Pedro get there. He’s enjoying watching Pedro squirm a little. His smile is nearly too big for him to contain, and Pedro is getting more embarrassed by the minute.

                “I have something to tell you,” Pedro continues. “And I…I was scared to tell you earlier.”

                “Yeah?” Balthazar’s smile falters a little.

                “It’s just that our friendship is getting back to normal and I didn’t want to mess that up again. And you are just so…you.” Pedro pauses. “I like you.”

                “That’s good because we are friends and all.” Balthazar’s smile returns.

                “No! I mean I really like you.”

                Balthazar is laughing. His heart is so full of hope, he feels like he might float off. “That’s good because I really like you too.” Balthazar responds quietly. It feels weird saying those words aloud. He’s imagined this scenario in so many ways for so many years, though none as perfect as this.

                Pedro grabs Balthazar’s hand and pulls him closer. “Can I ask you something?” he whispers into Balthazar’s ear. Balthazar doesn’t trust himself to speak, so he just nods. “Can I kiss you now?”

                Pedro is gentle and soft and it is everything Balthazar hoped for and more. He never wants it to end. They finally break apart after what feels like a millisecond or maybe an eternity. “Thanks for…well you know,” Pedro whispers, his hand on Balthazar’s face.

                “I don’t want to think about that anymore. Can we just get back to more kissing?”

                “It’s like you read my mind.” Pedro pulls Balthazar into him again and a happy shiver travels up Balthazar’s spine as he feels Pedro’s hands on his back. _This is better than normal,_ he thinks as Pedro reaches in for another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read this and the kudos/comments. I had a lot of fun writing it, so I hope you enjoyed reading it, too!


End file.
